Tales From The Weight Room: The Three Grunters

Deep inside every man is a primal grunt trying to escape. Mine surfaces during my standard morning stretch. For other guys, it’s shoveling snow or playing tennis or lifting the groceries out of the car.

But some guys just take it way too far. I’m talking about the Three Grunters, the tormentors of regular gym-goers everywhere.

They looked like they were related. Stocky balding guys who I’m sure played high school football. They talked loud, walked loud, clanged the weights together and, well, grunted a lot. Let’s just say, when they were at the gym everybody knew it.

And the longer they were there the louder they got. I really think they were trying to out grunt each other. The only silence came when they took a break or got some water. When they would leave, the rest of us would break into a symphony of mocking overly-exaggerated grunts. We really couldn’t help ourselves.

What made the whole scene even more ridiculous was what they were grunting over. They may have sounded like they were heaving boulders in some strong guy competition, but really they were huddled in a corner holding dumbbells and shrugging their shoulders.

Let me explain how this totally violates standard grunting etiquette. Fake like you have 150 pounds resting on your chest and you have to summon the strength to move it. A little grunt is probably natural.

Fake like that weight is now on your shoulders and you have do a squat, where you bend your knees and then straighten up again. Makes me want to grunt, just thinking about it.

Now shrug your shoulders. Go ahead, do it right there at your desk. Shrug them. Do you feel like grunting?

No, you don’t. That’s because you don’t grunt when you shrug your shoulders or when you work on hand strength or calves or forearms or neck muscles.

Grunting is for the major muscle groups only. And should only be attempted by guys lifting impressive amounts of weight, since it normally draws attention.

But that message never got to the Three Grunters. And we all had to pay the price.

Roaaaaaaaaaar! Raaaaaarrrrrrr!

Good job buddy, nice shoulder shrug.